Wesley, New England - Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wesley

Now, you love Chuck Norris and I was reading something on ESPN the other day about Tom Brady and within the article, the writer had this line, “Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.” I thought that you would appreciate that. Actually, you may have quoted that line to me before. However, something decidedly less awesome was seeing Wesley Snipes in an infomercial with Norris and Christy Brinkley pimping some exercise machine. Wesley looked terrible. His hair had grown out and he didn’t even look at the camera. Chuck being Chuck, he was all out. The man knows no other speed. Anyway, I was bummed to see Snipes dropping so low. I know he owes or owed the IRS millions for back taxes, but still. We’re talking about Wesley Snipes here and I love Wesley Snipes. I should couch that, I love Wesley Snipes in sports and gangster movies.

In fact, I loved Wesley Snipes before I knew he was Wesley Snipes. I loved him as “Jermaine” in “Wildcats.” “Yo, double reverse, I’ll take it” and “My name is Jermaine, the ebony lover, I’m a valedictorian when I’m under the cov-er” [Chorus] “It’s the sport of kings, better than diamond rings … Football.” I then loved him as “Nino Brown” in “New Jack City” and “Sidney Dean” in “White Men Can’t Jump.” I remember watching “New Jack” in high school with my buddy Tim and loving it. We saw it at Tacoma Central Theater and there is a 95 percent chance we were the only non-black people in the audience (same as it was for us when we went to see “Boyz in the Hood” and “CB4” at the same theater). The great thing about going to see those movies in those places is the contact high.

Oh, and let us not forget Snipes’s “Willie Mays Hayes” … with that role, he pulled the trifecta, football, hoops, and baseball, setting himself of as one of the most athletically gifted actors around. Also, “Major League” is incredibly on point these days for us because the scenario seems somewhat similar to our Sonics. I don’t even want to think about it, really. I don’t watch a ton of NBA games anymore, or much general college hoops either (UW games aside). I’m not 25 and single anymore so I’ve got other obligations. But the thought of them not being in Seattle depresses me. Sure I’ll take the Hornets or the Blazers, but I’d really rather keep the Supes in town. Especially since Durant is going to be fabulous for years. That dude is good and will continue to improve. I also like Jeff Green a great deal and those two together make a lot of sense. Their games are likeable and they seem to be good dudes. We’ll see I guess, but I just hope they stick around. Not having an NBA team puts us in second-tier-city status. I don’t want that.

Since we’re talking about talented black actors (or at least I think Wesley was and is talented), I have to stop for a minute and talk to you about “Golden Child” starring Eddie Murphy. I’m not sure if you’ve seen this movie, but do yourself a favor and check it out. For one, it is truly a stupid movie with a ridiculously stupid concept, but Eddie Murphy may not have been more on fire in any movie he’s ever done. Honestly it was a wasted performance because the movie was so bad. As with everything, I compare movies to sports and sports to movies, but he was like Cortez Kennedy in ’92 when he won the NFL Defensive Player of the Year on a 2-14 Seahawks team. That was Eddie in this movie. His comedic timing and everything was remarkable and he carried that movie as much as he could. “You just mad ‘cause you a scrub … scrub.”

New England
I was pulling for them to win a few years ago, and then I hated seeing them and their holier-than-thou attitude afterwards. It makes me want to see Belichek to eat his unwashed hoodie after being screwed with it on … but here’s the thing: I am pulling for them to go undefeated. Of course, if Seattle gets to the Superbowl (unlikely) then all bets are off. It would be just Seattle’s luck to get to the Superbowl again and face this kind of foe. It’s like the Sonics in ’96 again. They’ll get to the game, and it’ll be a foregone conclusion that New England (playing the part of Jordan’s Bulls) will steamroll them, the game will come, it’ll be closer than the general consensus thinks (when the Sonics took them to six games), but Seattle will lose and Brady will pull a triple with Heidi Klum and Halle Berry while solving global warming.